Despite any reservations you might have, a couples vibrator opens doors and undoubtedly spices up your sex life. In this article, we reference sexual studies and popular polls to provide you with the unbiased truth about couples vibrators and how to pick the right vibrator for you.
The thought of a couples vibrator might be intimidating at first. It can be difficult enough to concentrate on a lover, and now you have to focus on both man and machine. Despite any reservations you might have, a couples toy does open doors and undoubtedly spices up your sex life. The prevalent theme in this article, however, is communication. A couples vibrator isn't only a sexual aide; it's a tool that allows couples to open up and discover more about each other and often rediscover.
So I conducted several interviews with strangers and acquaintances alike, and I am happy to present you with the top five tips on how couples should use a vibrator.
A lot of women I spoke with fear introducing a couples vibrator into their sex life because they're concerned their partner might take it as a bad sign, or feel threatened. I quote some of the concerns here:
"What if she thinks I'm not satisfied with her...skills"
"Won't he think it's a size thing."
"Won't it affect my sensitivity, down there? Vibrators seem pretty rough."
A study by Psypost posted in Psychology & Sexuality based on a survey of 488 women with male partners, found that women who used vibrators both alone and with a partner reported greater sexual satisfaction compared to those who only used a vibrator by themselves.
"The most important takeaway from this paper is that it may be important to consider vibrator use during both solitary and partnered sexual activity. It appears that using a vibrator during both forms of sexual activity is related to experiencing more satisfaction in your sexual relationship and a more favourable balance of the 'likes' you receive in your relationship relative to 'dislikes,'" Gauvin and Yessick told PsyPost.
In short, the good outweighs the bad. So let's look at the five conclusions and tips I uncovered from my research interviews.
1. Figure Out What Makes You Go Ohhhhh
This might sound obvious, but as a woman, you need to know exactly what brings you to orgasm or no amount of hardware will make a change in bed. Now, I'm not suggesting you write a rule book starting with "you need to speak in an Aussie accent like Chris Hemsworth". Not that there's anything wrong with a bit of roleplay, but I'm talking about the mechanics here such as motion & rotation. Do you prefer only external stimulation (clitoral) or a combination of penetration and clitoral play, how much and at what point does the penetration need to start?
You need to ask these questions, and if you can't figure it out in a solo round, you can't expect your partner to get it right. Knowing what you prefer will also determine what kind of vibrator you should opt for. There are tons of external vibrators as well as combination vibrators for internal and external stimulation, even those that include anal stimulation if that's your thing. Use it as an excuse to see what makes you tick and think about what makes you go Ohhh!
2. Tell Your Partner What Makes You Go Ohhhh
Yes, not exactly a cheese and wine conversation "hey honey? So, I like getting my nub rubbed right round baby, right round". But there are ways you can broach the conversation, and asking open-ended questions about "pleasure" in a relaxed setting can be a great way to get the words flowing. I get it, communication can be hard, but it's SUPER important for any relationship in or outside the bedroom.
Trust me; if you can relate exactly what you want in the bedroom, you'll be doing yourself and your relationship a world of good. Something as simple as foreplay might be missing from your sex life, and a vibrator can fix that. If you own one, then introduce that into the "warmup routine" and if you don't, picking one together can be a great way to explore options and see where your preferences align. Who needs couples therapy!
3. Let The Vibrator Benefit Both Partners
Nobody knows how to use your vibrator better than you, especially after all the self-exploration. But putting your beloved vibrator into the hands of your lover is a sign of trust and can really spice things up. If you're just starting, or if you have a new toy, it's a great way to bring communication into the bedroom to explore a combined road to better, more frequent or even multiple orgasms.
On this point, men are relatively easy to get to Ohh, but women often need a bit more to get to the finish line and adding toys into the mix can be a game-changer. Give up some of that control, or hand over the controls depending on your vibrator and let your partner work it. Remember that a lubricant gel can be very useful here, read more about it in the article Everything You Never Knew About Lubricant Gel.
4. Speak Up!
If you're reaching orgasm and your partner doesn't know about it, it takes the fun right out of it. I'm not saying wake up the neighbours on the next farm or scream the paint of the walls, but clearly speaking up about how well you're on the way to an orgasm adds to the feeling of accomplishment.
Think about it, who doesn't like to hear their lover's voice moving through the various levels of ecstasy, that rhythmic buildup to the ultimate release. It's all about gratification! Letting your lover in on your orgasm is a reward in and of itself, and everybody loves gratitude. Plus, vibrators have different levels of intensity that your lover can match with your buildup. There are no losers here.
5. Pick the Right Vibrator(s) for Your Needs
There are hundreds of Vibrators available on the market today, some better than others, but you're not limited by choice. Considering you've followed steps one through four above, you'll have a good idea of what vibrators would be your best fit. The main things to consider are:
Internal, External or Internal and External - If you know you can't reach an orgasm through penetration no matter how turned on you are, there's no point opting for an internal vibrator alone. Keeping in mind that any good-quality vibrator can be used for clitoral stimulation as well, but a Bullet-vibrator or Wand Massagers might be better suited to your needs. Or you can opt for a Rabbit-style vibrator with an external and internal function.
Power - Good-quality vibrators pack a punch and should have more than enough vibrating power to satisfy your needs. But, if you struggle to orgasm during masturbation or sex, then you might need a bit more power. Something like a Wand Massager could be the perfect choice for you here.
Adversely, you might have a very sensitive clitoris that doesn't do well with too much in which case you would need something with a variety of speeds to choose from as one of them will be gentle. Read the description carefully and make sure you get something that suits your needs.
Shape - Let's be honest here, a vibrator has one job (or two or three), but the point is you'll know it when you see it! If you're a size queen you're not going to buy a bullet-vibrator to do the job; you're going to get something to fill the void! If you're more on the delicate side, there are more subtle options for your needs.
When it comes to shape don't buy into BS and go with your instincts, phallic shapes by nature were designed to do a job, and it's not a vibrator's place to go changing that too much.
Noise - You might have your kids in the next room or a roommate or just very thin walls in which case you would want a more discreet option. Some vibrators can sound like a lawnmower starting up (ok maybe exaggerating a little bit), and others are labelled silent.
If noise is a factor, you should do your research on the noise level of the vibrator you're looking to acquire. Lizzy Bliss take particular care to sell only noise-reduced vibrators but wherever you purchase your toys, make sure you read the key features carefully.
Modes & Settings - Most vibrators allow you to adjust the intensity of vibration. In fact, I wouldn't recommend buying a vibrator that doesn't include a variable vibration setting. A selection of vibrators can also set it to deliver cycles of intensity. This means that the vibrator will automatically change how intense the vibrations are so that you feel pulses or waves of vibration repeatedly building and receding instead of a constant level of intensity.
A lot of women love this for solo play, but if it's the hands of your lover it reduces the need to push buttons (except yours), and the attention can be better utilised elsewhere.
Whichever vibrator you go for just remember that it's a tool in your love toolbox meant to be lighthearted and fun. Use it as a communication tool to get the most out of your sex life and relationship.
